the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
