If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
