he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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