she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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