8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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