My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
