conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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