Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
