You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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