thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
