why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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