And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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