"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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