oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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