i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
