I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
