girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
