So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
