I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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