i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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