We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You are a genius and a whore.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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