don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
