I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
