His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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