sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
