Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
