Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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