they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
