I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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