So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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