wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
