Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You pole danced in your parka.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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