My hand turned me down
Swine flu is the new snow day.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
