First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
two words...techno handjob
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
