i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
