i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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