how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
