Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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