He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
