Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
