Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
