I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So many bounce houses so little time
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
