I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
