just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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