i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
