We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
