Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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