Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
