She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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