I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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