Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
