yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
