dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
P.S. I can't hear my feet
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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